Stubborn or determined?

We were having a chat with the kids the other week on different personality traits that people have and our son GP said that he thought that stubbornness was probably one of the easier traits to deal with.
After I stopped laughing we went on to demonstrate through some role play just why we don't think this is the case.

Me: "Let's start with an easy one: 'Do you want something from the kiosk?'" This asked at an indoor soccer game a few years ago.
GP: "Yes"
Me: "What"
GP: "An ice cream"
Me: "Sure. Here's the money just go up and tell the lady behind the counter what you want"
GP: "Can't you do it?"
Me: "No. You can do it. They won't bite you. In fact they want to sell you something. That's why they are there."
This sort of discussion goes on for two, three or five minutes.
Finally. Me: "This is your last chance. Go and buy something or you get nothing."
GP: "I don't want anything."
We drive home.
GP: "Can I have an ice block?"
Me: "No. You had your chance earlier!"
GP: Sullen look on his face as he plops into the couch.

Now I understand that his reluctance comes from being in an uncomfortable situation but this sort of thing was quite common. It took until GP was nearly five for us to get any sort of lever to curb his behaviour when he got it in his head to either do or not do something. He was, as they say, born with a stubborn streak about a mile wide.

We went through a number of other simple scenes from our lives together and I explained, again, that I had truly learnt the meaning behind the phrase "You can lead a .... to .... but you cannot make them ...." only after GP started to exert his personality.

So a couple of weeks after this discussion GP had started high school and we were talking about homework, effort that needed to be put in and other stuff around how to make the best of the opportunities that would present themselves over the next few years. I chimed in with a comment about the conversation on stubbornness and pointed out that the flip side of the coin was determination. I think of stubbornness as a negative, reactive trait and determination as a positive pro-active trait but really they are the same thing. It's just a question of what you get your mind fixed on.

Stubborn people dig their heels in and won't get out of their own way while a determined person drives forward and won't let anyone get in their way.

For my personal goals my determination is paying off. I haven't managed to get to the gym as often as I planned but I'm still going and seeing improvements and my writing is progressing fairly well. The games room was down to be cleaned up so we could set up the scroll saw by 1 March. Well I didn't quite get there due in part to hurting my back while putting a flat pack cupboard together. It got better but I lost a few days at the cleaning and the gym for a few seconds on careless lifting. This weekend should see the scroll saw shifted and it looks like we will be having a garage sale to get rid of some accumulated stuff from over the years.

So our challenge to GP and to ourselves is to be more determined and less stubborn. Choose something and stick at it rather than letting someone or some circumstance choose for you and then fight against it.