My 12yo son (GP), bless his little heart forgets things all the time. Which is funny really, since he actually has a fantastic memory for anything he thinks is important. Names are difficult for him as they are for me. I can't remember the number of times I have met someone and literally 20 seconds after being introduced I can't recall their name! Heck, six months after leaving my last job, where I had worked for 18 years I struggled to remember the names of a number of people who I had worked around for up to 10 years.
But other things tax him too. It seems that his school hat, a simple black bucket hat, is destined to spend almost as much time in the school lost property as it will spend at home. Notes are given out by the teachers and are left in his bag until the day they are due. Nothing new to most parents I'm sure but it's still incredibly annoying to have to go back home to get something he has forgotten that he had under control 10 minutes before you left.
We've been trying to get GP to come up with a method to organize himself. We've told him an unlikely number of times that now he is in high school he needs to be working these things out for himself because he doesn't want to get known as the kid whose parents come in to do every little thing for him. After some discussion he settled on a piece of paper that he could attach to the front of his folder and write notes about important things on as they happened through the day. At first he came out with a piece of paper smaller than A5 and dug his heels in when we suggested that maybe a larger sheet would be more use. I think this particular reminder process has only lasted a little over a week so far and three of those days were at camp so they don't really count. I'll be a little surprised if we aren't having the same conversations with him in another fortnight and trying to convince him that he needs to come up with a method for reminding himself what other people think is important, like homework and changes to class schedules.
Maybe when he grows up he will find a wonderful girl to take care of him and keep him on track 'cause unless he changes something he's going to need someone.
I do hold out some hope for him in this regard as my memory is somewhat the same. Although I find I'm a little less distracted than he is this might just be because I have had a good deal more practice. I'm sure my mother or brothers would be only too happy to regale me with tales of things I forgot when I was a boy.
My office at home and when I worked away from home are not neat and tidy but I can pretty much always tell you exactly when something was put. I don't have a system as such I just remember where "it" is. People would come into my office and ask about a file or paper and I would reach under a stack of other files and pull exactly the one they were looking for out.
I have thought about this a number of times and come to the conclusion that the better a person's memory is the more likely they are to be, shall we say casual, about their personal organisation. If you have a bad memory and know it you will file things away properly so that you can find it again.
Maybe that is just a soothing rationalization I make to stop myself feeling too bad about having a messy work space and maybe it is a profound statement on the workings of the human mind. You be the judge.
Tuesday, 26 February 2013
Thursday, 21 February 2013
Routine enables routine
I'm coming to realize that long term goals are achieved by lots of small decisions and actions along the way. I guess I always knew this but it is becoming clearer as I try to stick with the goals I have set.
I went to Auckland, NZ, for 8 days getting back yesterday. I knew that I couldn't go to my gym for that week but I also knew that there were several exercises that I could do in the motel room that were consistent with the Pilates and weights routine I am trying to establish. So I had a vague plan to do these exercises every other day or something. Well I am here to tell you now that since it was only a vague plan that there were only vague exercises. I set out to do them on two nights and only really gave it a good go on one of those. Even small amounts of alcohol are inhibitors for achievement.
Not to say I didn't get some exercise in. I did play a round of golf on what I will happily describe as a very forgiving course and also quite a flat one. That was around four (4) hours of walking and hitting followed by a BBQ and some beer/wine that probably undid any benefit from the walking. Oh well. That turned into a late night which left me less motivated the next day. I walked around 5km the day after golf just to get out of the motel and get some lunch.
I also had every intention of writing every week night. I managed two nights not six. Why? Well there were some nights when I was otherwise engaged with dinner or drinks and some where I was actively travelling. All good excuses but still they distracted me from my goal.
I have been Coke Zero free for around three weeks now and it turns out that has been the easiest change to persist with.
So what am I learning from all of this? Routine is an enabler of more routine. Back in a familiar environment and into my simple routine of getting up and going into my office off the bedroom has allowed me to slip back into going to the gym today (and I feel good about that). When I was away the entire daily routine was so different from my home routine that it was really easy to just not do the little things that contribute to the bigger goals.
The other thing I'm learning, again, is that goals are just that. Something you aim for that is achievable. If you don't hit the small goal and it is still meaningful then don't beat yourself up over missing it and recommit to it for next time remembering that it is a promise to yourself and not just idle words.
I went to Auckland, NZ, for 8 days getting back yesterday. I knew that I couldn't go to my gym for that week but I also knew that there were several exercises that I could do in the motel room that were consistent with the Pilates and weights routine I am trying to establish. So I had a vague plan to do these exercises every other day or something. Well I am here to tell you now that since it was only a vague plan that there were only vague exercises. I set out to do them on two nights and only really gave it a good go on one of those. Even small amounts of alcohol are inhibitors for achievement.
Not to say I didn't get some exercise in. I did play a round of golf on what I will happily describe as a very forgiving course and also quite a flat one. That was around four (4) hours of walking and hitting followed by a BBQ and some beer/wine that probably undid any benefit from the walking. Oh well. That turned into a late night which left me less motivated the next day. I walked around 5km the day after golf just to get out of the motel and get some lunch.
I also had every intention of writing every week night. I managed two nights not six. Why? Well there were some nights when I was otherwise engaged with dinner or drinks and some where I was actively travelling. All good excuses but still they distracted me from my goal.
I have been Coke Zero free for around three weeks now and it turns out that has been the easiest change to persist with.
So what am I learning from all of this? Routine is an enabler of more routine. Back in a familiar environment and into my simple routine of getting up and going into my office off the bedroom has allowed me to slip back into going to the gym today (and I feel good about that). When I was away the entire daily routine was so different from my home routine that it was really easy to just not do the little things that contribute to the bigger goals.
The other thing I'm learning, again, is that goals are just that. Something you aim for that is achievable. If you don't hit the small goal and it is still meaningful then don't beat yourself up over missing it and recommit to it for next time remembering that it is a promise to yourself and not just idle words.
Tuesday, 12 February 2013
Unexpected consequences...
I posted last time that I aim to have the games room cleaned up and set up with the scroll saw by 1 March. I got back to tidying over the weekend since I actually started cleaning it up two or three weeks ago.
Now like a lot of people with children we have accumulated a lot of stuffed toys over the years. They are commonly referred to in this house as "The guys".
As the children have grown the guys have been in and out of favour and while my daughter (DP) has quite a number of guys arrayed around her bedroom there are some that have gravitated to the games room and sit or sprawl on shelves or the floor or on other games depending on where they were last left.
It occurred to my unthinking adult brain that since they don't play with at least some of these guys then it would be reasonable to ask them to say which of them they didn't want to keep. So I asked them to come into the games room to tell me, no pressure, which they wanted to keep and which of them could go.
Well we started well enough. The elephant (not seen above) can go.
Dad - How about Clifford the big red dog?
Kids - OK we don't need him.
D - Sleepy?
K - Get rid of him and Doc.
D - Tramp?
K - Um. OK he can go too.
We got through about seven or eight when I noticed that DP was looking less and less happy about this process and in fact had a single tear forming that rolled down her cheek as I watched. I told her we didn't have to get rid of any of them if she wanted but that I needed to know so I can find space for them. After a hug and a few deep breaths I asked DP what was wrong and if she thought I was asking her to put her childhood behind her. She nodded and took a few more deep breaths and we agreed that with the exception of the elephant we would keep them all.
So the tidying process stalled and it seems I will need more cupboard space than originally expected for some of the games and guys that we are not going to get rid of yet. It's actually quite a big house that we live in but it has so little storage space, despite various efforts over the years to either add more or throw stuff out.
I'm not sure what lesson I could take from this. Maybe just a reminder that growing older doesn't automatically mean growing up.
Now like a lot of people with children we have accumulated a lot of stuffed toys over the years. They are commonly referred to in this house as "The guys".
As the children have grown the guys have been in and out of favour and while my daughter (DP) has quite a number of guys arrayed around her bedroom there are some that have gravitated to the games room and sit or sprawl on shelves or the floor or on other games depending on where they were last left.
It occurred to my unthinking adult brain that since they don't play with at least some of these guys then it would be reasonable to ask them to say which of them they didn't want to keep. So I asked them to come into the games room to tell me, no pressure, which they wanted to keep and which of them could go.
Well we started well enough. The elephant (not seen above) can go.
Dad - How about Clifford the big red dog?
Kids - OK we don't need him.
D - Sleepy?
K - Get rid of him and Doc.
D - Tramp?
K - Um. OK he can go too.
We got through about seven or eight when I noticed that DP was looking less and less happy about this process and in fact had a single tear forming that rolled down her cheek as I watched. I told her we didn't have to get rid of any of them if she wanted but that I needed to know so I can find space for them. After a hug and a few deep breaths I asked DP what was wrong and if she thought I was asking her to put her childhood behind her. She nodded and took a few more deep breaths and we agreed that with the exception of the elephant we would keep them all.
So the tidying process stalled and it seems I will need more cupboard space than originally expected for some of the games and guys that we are not going to get rid of yet. It's actually quite a big house that we live in but it has so little storage space, despite various efforts over the years to either add more or throw stuff out.
I'm not sure what lesson I could take from this. Maybe just a reminder that growing older doesn't automatically mean growing up.
Saturday, 9 February 2013
The nature of goals
I can close the book on the first week of my year of deliberate choices. Generally I think I am on track. I went to the gym twice this week for Pilates and twice for a weights workout. I'm happy with that as a starting point and whether it was from technique or just determination I found I was able to do a little more on the second visit for the weights. Mind you I didn't have much left in the shoulders/upper arms after the end of the weights session. I guess this indicates that the program is not too light anyway.
Last night as the cricket wound up (Aus vs West Indies 4th ODI) I was relaxing in my chair and realized that I had not done any writing during the day. It would have been easy to let it slide. It was already nearly 10.00pm. The commitment I made to myself and the fact that I had written it down helped to persuade me to go and make the effort to at least spend some time on that goal. As soon as I sat down words seemed to come to me so it was a pleasant hour or so writing the prologue to my story.
I've been pondering the nature of goals over the last week. We see ads on the TV all the time about weight loss and fitness and enough comments at this time of the year about "New Years Resolutions" to sink a battleship. Truth is I think most people make new years resolutions sometimes in their lives and many people take out gym memberships and barely use them or buy fitness equipment and then fold it neatly under the bed to be pulled out in six months, used for a week and then slotted away again.
Why don't these resolutions stick and what can we do to either make better resolutions or stick to the ones we do make. There is nothing new in my answer to this but I will list what I see as some important factors:
Last night as the cricket wound up (Aus vs West Indies 4th ODI) I was relaxing in my chair and realized that I had not done any writing during the day. It would have been easy to let it slide. It was already nearly 10.00pm. The commitment I made to myself and the fact that I had written it down helped to persuade me to go and make the effort to at least spend some time on that goal. As soon as I sat down words seemed to come to me so it was a pleasant hour or so writing the prologue to my story.
I've been pondering the nature of goals over the last week. We see ads on the TV all the time about weight loss and fitness and enough comments at this time of the year about "New Years Resolutions" to sink a battleship. Truth is I think most people make new years resolutions sometimes in their lives and many people take out gym memberships and barely use them or buy fitness equipment and then fold it neatly under the bed to be pulled out in six months, used for a week and then slotted away again.
Why don't these resolutions stick and what can we do to either make better resolutions or stick to the ones we do make. There is nothing new in my answer to this but I will list what I see as some important factors:
- You have to be making the resolutions/goals for the right reasons.
- You have to make achievable goals that stretch but won't break you
- You have to have an understanding of what setting a goal means
These might seem pretty self evident and self explanatory but I think most of us see people setting goals that do not meet the first two criteria and many people don't really understand what it should mean to them when they set a goal.
What are the right reasons for setting a goal? Well actually there aren't any right reasons that apply to everyone. There are only reasons that are right for you at this point in time. I can't set goals for you that you don't believe in. Its one of the things that fails in many performance appraisal processes in the workplace. Someone sets a goal for you or asks you to nominate a goal for the next period. You may not be wholly committed to the goal so you won't try. It's a lesson that my oh so stubborn son has taught me many times over the last 12 years. You can lead a horse to water but you cannot make it drink! It has to want to drink, or read, or waterski or whatever. So you have to want to reach the goal. It has to mean something to you otherwise you are wasting your time and energy.
Set goals that you can meet. If you don't you are setting yourself up for failure. I looked hard at the list of goals I have set and don't think, given the time I currently have available to me and the direction my life is or isn't going at the moment, that they are unreasonable. If I worked 60 hours a week or more my goals would have to be different or I just couldn't fit them in and still maintain some balance with the rest of my life.
So the crux of it all. What is a goal. To me it is a promise we make to ourselves. The word promise is one that is not used very often in our house. I told my kids some years ago that I was very careful with the use of that word. If I promise someone something then I am saying that pretty much come hell or high water I will do what I said. I don't make idle promises to people. If I don't think I can get something done then I tell them that, I don't promise it then fail to deliver. It looks bad, it affects my reputation and makes me feel bad. It doesn't after all take many failed promises before people just accept that your promise means nothing. I'm sure there are a lot of people out there who think along the same lines when they are making promises to others. When they are making a promise to themselves it is often a different story. "Who will know if I skip this activity?" "Who will it affect but me?" "Who will know if I eat this cake I promised I wouldn't?" "Who will care if I don't go to the gym?" The problem with that is that it doesn't take long for you to start doubting your own commitment to promises you make to yourself. It gets easier the more often you make and then break a commitment.
It is for this reason that writing these goals down and writing this blog is helping me to meet my goals. I'm reinforcing the promise to myself by making a promise to you. Do you care that I made a promise to you? It doesn't matter. What does matter is that I care that I made a promise to you.
Thank you for being with me through this first week. I'm still working on the right frequency of posts. I don't want to write "I'm still on track" every day but I also don't want to leave it too long between posts.
Next week will be a bit interesting as I am going to New Zealand on Wednesday for a few days to a week or so. Staying on track will take more effort I think.
New short term goal: By 1 March I will have the games room cleared to the point where we can set up the scroll saw in a clean, comfortable place for Mrs P to use.
Tuesday, 5 February 2013
The first 10 million years were the worst...
I know that I'm not finding out something new and I know that nothing worth doing was ever easy but after my first resistance/weights session yesterday I can truly say that parts of me that I didn't know I had hurt.
Through conscious effort I managed to ignore the "fit" people at the gym including the lady who was smaller than me but able to lift more weight etc. and just concentrate on doing what I was there for. Something that I learned a long time ago but still have to remind myself of is that 'most people don't care about what anyone else is doing and they are not all looking at you and laughing'.
So my weights program involves:
Push ups
Assisted Chin ups - Counter balance takes 47kg at this stage.
Seated Row
Standing Row
Bicep Curls - 4KG dumbells (yeah you can say it. That's not much is it!)
Tricep Pull downs
Leg lifts
Calf raises
Fitball hamstring curls
Core work
2 Sets and 20 reps of each with various light weights.
I didn't manage 2 sets of 20 for everything but that's why I'm going.
At 2.00 this morning the cat went off. She's 18, nearly completely deaf and a fair bit senile. She comes in the house during the day, looks straight at you and howls REALLY LOUD. Sometimes she does this at night such that we refer to her sometimes as alarm cat. As in the alarm cat went off twice last night! I got up to see her/reassure her and found that my left calf muscle was not happy with yesterday's efforts. Happy to say that with a bit of stretching and walking around today its more or less back to normal but glad that today I'm not planning on any gym or pilates work.
The Coke Zero lasted until last Sunday night so since then it has mostly been water (even when I went to the cinema to watch Les Miserables) and I can't really say that I miss the Coke or even particularly want it. I don't drink coffee or tea so that makes me caffeine free again which if this link is any indication should help me to focus better and thereby achieve more even if I'm not a spider.
So nearly through my first week of this process and I'm happy to say that I have been able to meet my micro goals to keep me on track for the larger ones. Writing it down and telling people about it is helping to remind me to stay honest about it so thank you to the early readers out there.
Through conscious effort I managed to ignore the "fit" people at the gym including the lady who was smaller than me but able to lift more weight etc. and just concentrate on doing what I was there for. Something that I learned a long time ago but still have to remind myself of is that 'most people don't care about what anyone else is doing and they are not all looking at you and laughing'.
So my weights program involves:
Push ups
Assisted Chin ups - Counter balance takes 47kg at this stage.
Seated Row
Standing Row
Bicep Curls - 4KG dumbells (yeah you can say it. That's not much is it!)
Tricep Pull downs
Leg lifts
Calf raises
Fitball hamstring curls
Core work
2 Sets and 20 reps of each with various light weights.
I didn't manage 2 sets of 20 for everything but that's why I'm going.
At 2.00 this morning the cat went off. She's 18, nearly completely deaf and a fair bit senile. She comes in the house during the day, looks straight at you and howls REALLY LOUD. Sometimes she does this at night such that we refer to her sometimes as alarm cat. As in the alarm cat went off twice last night! I got up to see her/reassure her and found that my left calf muscle was not happy with yesterday's efforts. Happy to say that with a bit of stretching and walking around today its more or less back to normal but glad that today I'm not planning on any gym or pilates work.
The Coke Zero lasted until last Sunday night so since then it has mostly been water (even when I went to the cinema to watch Les Miserables) and I can't really say that I miss the Coke or even particularly want it. I don't drink coffee or tea so that makes me caffeine free again which if this link is any indication should help me to focus better and thereby achieve more even if I'm not a spider.
So nearly through my first week of this process and I'm happy to say that I have been able to meet my micro goals to keep me on track for the larger ones. Writing it down and telling people about it is helping to remind me to stay honest about it so thank you to the early readers out there.
Monday, 4 February 2013
Ouch, ouch and tremble - Pilates for beginners
I can touch my toes and clasp hands behind my back one over a shoulder the other under a shoulder but that is where it ends for my flexibility. When I touch my toes and push just that little bit harder my toes start to go numb from the pressure on the hamstring and the achilles tendon. Funny thing is I'm more flexible than my 14 and 12 year old children!
I decided that Pilates was a good place to start and tonight I was not disappointed. On the "Reformer" pilates machine (like an industrial version of the Total Fit Gym that Chuck Norris advertises) I was able to stretch and twist some muscles that don't get a lot of work on a normal day.
I didn't break or even trap anything except a little of my overly long hair but I did find myself gasping like a dying fish once or twice to hold the last two seconds of a swimming action while holding my core tight and lifting opposite leg and arm in rapid succession while lying on my tummy.
15 minutes after the class ended I felt I could have done more but at the end of it I was glad it was over. It wasn't even the core tummy/back muscles that were twitching. I rested my feet on the bar at the end of the machine and couldn't stop my legs from twitching/trembling just from maintaining a "table" position with them. It's a good thing that the longest journey begins with a single step 'cause I think I have a fair way to go.
I've also managed to keep my appointment with my story characters. I now know a little more about them and the Universe they live in.
Only a few days in it is becoming clear that to keep working on these goals will require a little more re-organisation of my normal daily routine. I guess in the end that is what change is all about - Change.
I decided that Pilates was a good place to start and tonight I was not disappointed. On the "Reformer" pilates machine (like an industrial version of the Total Fit Gym that Chuck Norris advertises) I was able to stretch and twist some muscles that don't get a lot of work on a normal day.
I didn't break or even trap anything except a little of my overly long hair but I did find myself gasping like a dying fish once or twice to hold the last two seconds of a swimming action while holding my core tight and lifting opposite leg and arm in rapid succession while lying on my tummy.
15 minutes after the class ended I felt I could have done more but at the end of it I was glad it was over. It wasn't even the core tummy/back muscles that were twitching. I rested my feet on the bar at the end of the machine and couldn't stop my legs from twitching/trembling just from maintaining a "table" position with them. It's a good thing that the longest journey begins with a single step 'cause I think I have a fair way to go.
I've also managed to keep my appointment with my story characters. I now know a little more about them and the Universe they live in.
Only a few days in it is becoming clear that to keep working on these goals will require a little more re-organisation of my normal daily routine. I guess in the end that is what change is all about - Change.
Saturday, 2 February 2013
Just how unfit am I and writing goals.
So today started with vague trepidation. I was booked in for a fitness assessment at the new gym and wasn't really sure how unfit I would be declared. I turn up on time and get presented with a relatively standard health questionnaire.
I don't have any of the major, mostly heart related, conditions so I don't need a Dr's certificate to undertake even a mild exercise program. OK. First step looks good.
2nd Page. Another checklist.
"Do you have/have you ever had"
Asthma
Arthritis
Hernia
Male > 45 or Female > 55
Huh. It turns out being a male over 45 is now a condition
Neck/Back pain
and so on.
I ticked a couple of "yes" boxes but not enough to put me in the "don't let this guy exercise in your centre" category. All good so far.
Now to some biometrics and benchmarks.
While Anu (the nice lady taking me through the assessment) is measuring I comment. "There's not much muscle there." Her reply? "Yes. It is one of the smaller biceps I've measured." At least she was smiling.
OK. What about some benchmark exercises?
It's fair to say the only way from here is up!
Apparently the post 'step up' heart rate plus my age puts me in the "Above average" to "Good" fitness level. Go figure. If I'm above average then there are a lot of really unfit people walking, or perhaps not walking, around.
So now I have a weights/training plan to be re-assessed in about 6-8 weeks and a commitment to attend the gym three or more times a week for Pilates and twice a week or more for the training plan.
We ran through most of the exercises and machines testing the appropriate weights to start training with. It was a good, if still somewhat daunting experience.
Pilates starts on Monday.
Yesterday I also sat down to review my writing plan.
Actually I started to write a book over 15 years ago. I have 110,000 words written (some of them probably even good) and have been dipping into it at times over the last two or three years. Most of what I wrote happened in the first year or two.
I've become increasingly sure that the basic concept for the book (fantasy) is sound but that the start especially needs to be re-written before I can go too much further. So yesterday I started to write a new synopsis and spell out the major characters and their roles. Over the next week I might not make the goal of 1,500 to 2,000 words a day but hope that at the end of the week I will have a solid plan for who the characters are and how they get from A to B and eventually to Z. I'm unsure of how much of the existing 110K words I'll be able to salvage but there are certainly concepts and encounters that I think can be transferred fairly well.
I don't have any of the major, mostly heart related, conditions so I don't need a Dr's certificate to undertake even a mild exercise program. OK. First step looks good.
2nd Page. Another checklist.
"Do you have/have you ever had"
Asthma
Arthritis
Hernia
Male > 45 or Female > 55
Huh. It turns out being a male over 45 is now a condition
Neck/Back pain
and so on.
I ticked a couple of "yes" boxes but not enough to put me in the "don't let this guy exercise in your centre" category. All good so far.
Now to some biometrics and benchmarks.
| Measurements: | ||
| Chest: 101cm | Waist: 94.5cm | Hips: 109cm |
| Left thigh: 55cm | Right thigh; 57.5cm | |
| Left bicep: 31cm | Right bicep; 31.5cm | |
| Weight: 88.5kg | ||
While Anu (the nice lady taking me through the assessment) is measuring I comment. "There's not much muscle there." Her reply? "Yes. It is one of the smaller biceps I've measured." At least she was smiling.
OK. What about some benchmark exercises?
| Push ups | Wall sit | Plank |
| 10 | 1 min 6 sec | 33 sec |
It's fair to say the only way from here is up!
| Resting heart rate | Post 'step up' heart rate | Blood pressure |
| 50 bpm | 94 bpm | 140 / 80 |
Apparently the post 'step up' heart rate plus my age puts me in the "Above average" to "Good" fitness level. Go figure. If I'm above average then there are a lot of really unfit people walking, or perhaps not walking, around.
So now I have a weights/training plan to be re-assessed in about 6-8 weeks and a commitment to attend the gym three or more times a week for Pilates and twice a week or more for the training plan.
We ran through most of the exercises and machines testing the appropriate weights to start training with. It was a good, if still somewhat daunting experience.
Pilates starts on Monday.
Yesterday I also sat down to review my writing plan.
Actually I started to write a book over 15 years ago. I have 110,000 words written (some of them probably even good) and have been dipping into it at times over the last two or three years. Most of what I wrote happened in the first year or two.
I've become increasingly sure that the basic concept for the book (fantasy) is sound but that the start especially needs to be re-written before I can go too much further. So yesterday I started to write a new synopsis and spell out the major characters and their roles. Over the next week I might not make the goal of 1,500 to 2,000 words a day but hope that at the end of the week I will have a solid plan for who the characters are and how they get from A to B and eventually to Z. I'm unsure of how much of the existing 110K words I'll be able to salvage but there are certainly concepts and encounters that I think can be transferred fairly well.
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